The Problem with Skinny Cow

My brain officially gave out on me about 10 minutes ago and I was sitting in a daze with a blank stare of my face and figured...hey...what the heck...let's talk about ice cream sandwiches.

I only bring them up because as I sit in my late afternoon stupor...I was going over some of the changes life has thrown me since hitting 40. Let's see...at 40 I began to lose my eyesight. I haven't graduated to prescription reading glasses yet, but I'm all over the magnified reading glasses. At 41, my knees and right shoulder started to ache...all the time. It used to be an infrequent thing...old sports injuries...too many falls during rockclimbing...silly youthful things like that. Now I notice some aches and pains at pretty much all times. Holy crap people. I didn't get the memo that told me it would be like this! Did you?!

So I was sitting here wondering...wow golly gee...what surprise will come with my 42nd birthday? I must admit that I think more now about the possibility of acquiring chin hair than I ever have in my life. There is no Goose Gossage manchu yet but isn't it inevitable? Aren't all women doomed to have a chin hair to some extent? Have I been misled? And what about the inevitably droopy butt? We can't run and hide from it forever, right? Well I've decided to take no chances. Let me tell ya that I have a fantastic diet...and no, I don't mean diet as in the sense of "dieting". I simply mean my food intake. I've always been a healthy eater, preferring "clean food" to the majority of crap that most Americans seem to eat on a daily basis. I tried a Twinkie once...hated it. I'll never eat one of the fuschia colored Snowball thingies. I still just do not do pink food. It's not regular. Nothing "pink" comes from this Earth that I can think of. No...a strawberry is NOT pink. It is a shade of red...maybe even raspberryish. But not pink. Ya getting my drift?

I just went off on a tangent. Okay...I'm back. Food and droopy booties. So I read an article at some point in the not too distant past about this product called Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches and what a fantastic option they are for people who just don't want all the crap in with it. I was skeptical. Then I bought some and I'm hooked. My problem is this...the boxes come mixed with ice cream sandwiches that have chocolate ice cream in the center and some that have vanilla ice cream in the center. Now...I used to be all about chocolate growing up. I didn't eat it often but I dug it. Eh...I've changed. I'm more of a vanilla person...maybe French Vanilla (as much as I hate to even say that given my utter dislike of all thing French right now). My point is that I might be getting rather bland in my years. I'm off on another tangent. Shoot. Back to my point...I don't like them mixing the chocolate ones with the vanilla ones, doggone it! Chocolate ice cream between the chocolate sandwichy part of the ice cream sandwich is just too doggone much for me. The vanilla works. Why not make a box with all chocolate or a box with all vanilla? Why scew with us simple folk who just want to eliminate as much chaos in our lives as possible? Is that too much to ask?

Skinny Cow...help a sister out, will ya?!

I'm going home.

Things that Frighten Me

These are scary times we live in. This is a world that thrives on and is motivated by fear...fear of terrorism, fear of global warming, fear of carbs, fear of unemployment, fear of diabetes...fear of the unknown. The media and politicians and advertisers are complicit in this campaign of sabotage of the American psyche, inundating us daily with crime statistics, the next great "threat" to become one with the "axis of evil", how and why and where we don't measure up and why we must measure up to the idealized images and icons in the countless magazines, commercials, advertisements and all Hollywood mediums that are thrown at us daily...hourly...by the second...and at an earlier and earlier age. By the time a young girl in America reaches the age of 8 she has already been programmed to believe that beauty comes with a socially mandated and predetermined weight, height, body proportion and eye color. In today's America, by the time that girl has reached the age of 14, she has been brainwashed into believing that promiscuity is a virtue and that getting ink is almost mandatory.

I am a 41 year old healthy, caucasian, heterosexual, college-educated American with two healthy and thriving grandchildren, and marketable job skills. I should have no fears, yet I am fearful most days. Despite the overwhelming positives in my life and my steadfast positive outlook on life, I find myself entering each day with a lingering sense of fear and dread and worry which is layered inbetween all the hopes I have for life. I suppose, in that respect, I am just like the majority of adults in this country. We do not live in the world of our parents. Franklin Delano Roosevelt said, "The only thing to fear is fear itself." He lived in our parents' times, before the campaign of fear was waged against American citizens by the most steadfast institutions in this nation. I wonder if he'd speak those same words in today's world.

So, yes...I am fearful of many a thing.

The threat of another major terrorist attack in the United States frightens me.

The realization that we are on the brink of a world-wide energy crisis and all that that entails frightens me.

The possibility that nuclear weapons will be used in my lifetime frightens me.

The likelihood that nuclear weapons will be used during the lives of my grandchildren terrifies me.

The loss of our youth to all the temptations of this free society frightens me.

The extinction of animal life as a result of human greed, negligence and abuse frightens me.

The fragmentation of the family nucleus in our society frightens me.

The fact that most Americans do not know their neighbors frightens me.

The destruction of the churches of all religions that comes with the failures of its leaders and the pedophilia that has run rampant frightens me and, frankly, it really pisses me off. Where will the flocks graze now, oh shepherds, if they fear that you will lead them to the wolves?

The current President and his administration that has operated illegally, unethically, immorally and with impunity terrify me. I’ve served my country, I stay informed, I do the research and I vote, thus I am entitled to this opinion.

The Patriot Act frightens me because of the way it has been and continues to be used.

The possibility of John McCain as our President really, really frightens me. Good American and patriot…yes. Presidential material…no. He is reason enough for the continued need for separation of church and state. This is not an indictment of church or God. The founding fathers of this country had it right when they structured a nation where church and state are separate. If this were not done…tell me…which church of all the choices available in this country would be the chosen one to blend with and shape this nation state? Start that conversation at your next mixed gathering and see how fast the debate heats up.

The pastor that McCain calls his "spiritual guide" is Rod Parsley who believes that America's now founding mission is to destroy Islam, which he refers to as a "false religion". That is scary on so many levels. First, the premise of his belief is that Islam = terrorism. Unfortunately, many Americans share that belief based on misleading information, propaganda of fear and just plain ignorance. But for the sake of argument let's assume that Islam represents the enemy that must be destroyed. Years ago I was in a class and the lecture conveyed, in part, the following premise...

To defeat the enemy, you must identify the enemy and then you must understand the enemy. Understanding the enemy enables us to form compassion and enter into dialogue which is necessarily the key to diplomacy and peace.

That is a whole different page of reference than that being used by Pastor Parsley. God help us all if Rod Parsley is who McCain chooses to guide him in his spiritual choices and path of consciousness. If you want to mobilize the extreme minority of Islamists that would wage war, tell them that your primary doctrine is their own destruction and then sit back, watch what happens and pray, if you pray. Some would argue that the extreme Islamists do just that and therefore, so should we. They would be wrong.

John McCain also scares me because he just doesn't get it when it comes to now being the crucial time to protect the environment. Out of 535 members of Congress in 2007, John McCain is the ONLY one who chose to miss every single key environmental vote. The League of Conservation Voters in 2007 scored McCain with a zero. Your eyes are fine...that's right...a ZERO. Check it out for yourself. I’ve done the research for you. League of Conservation Voters Scorecard

Yes, John McCain scares me but I'm hardly alone with that fear. Many in his own party will not give their support in the coming election and have publicly voiced their concerns. Recently on the NBC Today Show, conservative Pat Buchanan argued that McCain "will make Cheney look like Ghandi." *pause* HOLY CRAP...now that is an indictment and from a fellow center-leaning Republican conservative. I'm not sure I have enough information to agree or disagree with Buchanan on that comparison but I will go so far as to say that McCain would make Cheney look like the Easter Bunny.

For the record, my fears and hesitations regarding John McCain in no way imply that I have or will endorse the other major candidate in this election year. I am neither Republican nor Democrat. I will never vote down a party line because I believe to do so is implicitly a compromise of my beliefs about being a free thinker.

So anyway...back to my list of fears...

People that get theirs news from one source only frighten me. Here's what I mean: If your one and only news source is Fox News, you are a very scary person that is only half-informed and thereby a dangerous voter. If your one and only news source is MSNBC, you are a very scary person that is only half-informed and thereby a dangerous voter. It is very difficult to find a "news show" anymore that is not actually editorializing disguised as news but that carries the foul stench of biased, leaning, news-shaping rather than news reporting. Do you follow me? In other words, be a free thinker. Do your research. Pull from various sources. Be informed. By the way, Bill O’Reilly (Fox News) and Keith Olbermann (MSNBC) are equally obnoxious and frightening but if you’re going to pull your “news” from one of them, go ahead and watch both. At least you’ll be more well-rounded at being misinformed. If you’re actually looking for some balance and solid news reporting, try Anderson Cooper on CNN, Jim Lehrer on NewsHour (PBS) or Tim Brokaw on Meet the Press (filling in for the recently passed Tim Russert…RIP).

People that vote down a party line but cannot explain why they do scare the crapola out of me. People...educate yourselves on the issues. With the privileges in this country so too come responsibilities...civil responsibilities. Democracy will not work if the people do not participate. Apathy, ambivalence, gluttony...all foretelling indicators of the fall of all past great nations. Why do we assume we are not next when we have become a nation that is apathetic, ambivalent to each other and entirely gluttonous? Most people in the United States have not lived long enough to truly know what it's like to go without because for decades now we have been a nation comprised of entitled citizens with all kinds of inalienable rights that have come with very little effort and sacrifice. I fear that this will be our eventual downfall. History is the best tool we have to predict the future and that paints a pretty bleak picture for our future if we don't change...as in yesterday.

People capable of abusing defenseless animals frighten me.

People that look away because they figure it isn't their problem or just don't want to get involved frighten me.

People that still drive after imbibing ANY alcoholic beverages frighten me. It is not only against the laws in every state in this country but to do so is also irresponsible, dangerous and very cavalier. Alcohol does impair a person’s thinking and reaction time. That means everybody. Trust me when I tell you that the when a person is pulled over by a trooper and cited for a DUI…their entire life changes (and not for the better) and their perspective on this subject changes as well and pretty much mirrors my own.

People in troubled marriages that have children because they think it will "cure" their marriages scare the heck out of me. Cowards.

The rapid emergence of drug-resistant diseases in the last 10 to 15 years terrifies me. Oh and who in their right mind ventures outdoors willingly? Good grief...think of all that can happen! If I take my grandchildren camping some day, will they contract Lyme disease if they encounter ticks? If we vacation in Hilton Head, SC or Savannah, GA and the mosquitos are out...West Nile disease. It used to be that e-Coli was a worry shared only by meat eaters but now we who choose not to eat meat have to wonder if the spinach we serve them or the tomatoes we add to their sandwich will carry it. Heh.

Driving a vehicle on American highways frightens me. In 2007, over 42,000 people died in automobile accidents. And it's not so much what you do and what you can control, it's all the idiots on the road that you have no control of...drunks, teens and tweens, and the road-rage jackasses. So maybe we all just take a bus...after all a bus is larger than other vehicles and obviously safer. Nope...gotta worry about the terrorists again. I figure it is just a matter of time before they start bombing our buses and subways, too. So perhaps take up bicycling for most commutes. Wait...there's no way in heck I am riding a bicycle in a bicycle lane with all the incompetent drivers that swerve in and out of them. Guess I'll just stay home.

All pink food frightens me to the point of nightmares. Pink food does not occur naturally…and, no, a strawberry is NOT pink. It looks pink when made into ice cream because its color (red) when mixed with white (cream) makes for pink. Pretty cool, huh? I think I first learned all about the color wheel in kindergarten. They weren’t kidding when they wrote “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten”.

People that screw with food scare me. A lot of American foods scare me. Need an example? Okay...you've got a pizza in America...basically ruined already because the crust is too thick, the sauce not right, the cheese semi-artificial...and then some weirdo comes up with the idea of "let's make a Mexican Taco Pizza"!! I mean...WTF already?!! Why not eat a friggin taco if you want a taco? Why always the gluttony?

The other night I was watching the college World Series and saw a commercial for beer that is now "infused" with flavors. *pause* Dear Lord, that makes me want to beat the living crap out of somebody. Just cut up a goshed darn lime or lemon and plunk it in your friggin beer if you must! I believe I even heard them say that one option is peach-infused beer. I quit after that. I quit all things. I shall crawl into a hole and hide for all eternity.

Garbage disposals frighten me. Actually they terrify me. Any time you've got a deep, dark hole that houses anything that can possibly chew your hand off, I'm scared like a kitten in a dog park. I don't even use them. Someone taught me a few years back that composting is a pretty doggone good alternative and there's no fear of loss of hand involved. Works for me and the compost does amazing things for my garden.

I tried to remember when fear got its grasp on me and my first thought was 9/11/01...that is the obvious choice, right? Oh wait...what about the campaign of fear (and greed) that was waged against all society as the turn of the century approached and we all ran out and bought new computers and clock radios and you couldn't find a generator in stock anywhere after October of 1999. Yeah...that's when the fear got me. I’ve never used my must-have generator. It’s sitting in my garage untouched to this day and I plan to throw it a party on its fast approaching 10 year birthday.

Hmm...no, not quite. AIDS - the end of free love and the sexual revolution and shaking hands and kissing friends and relatives on the cheek. I remember when the hysteria first took hold seeing people actually wearing masks over their mouths and noses or wearing medical gloves when they were in public places. Crazy huh? Well...actually...I kinda dig the idea of wearing the gloves but then I've always had a bit of a phobia about touching a door handle that 5000 other people have touched in the same day. Face it...there be some funky folk walking around. I'm like Monk...just less hairy, better dressed and a tiny bit less OCD (not much though).

So it all began with AIDS awareness. Wait...nah...it was the Russians...the big, bad, dark, menacing Soviet Union and the Cold War and the fear of nukes in the skies and gloom and doom sound of their national anthem. The Soviet Union in the 80's was the equivalent of the evil looking flying monkeys in the Wizard of Oz and their dark, menacing castle. Scary business.

But then again...there was the really scary stuff before that called Pop Rocks. Yeah. Mixing Pop Rocks with your soda and drinking the concoction ensured a slow and brutal death. Heh. But we all tried it anyway, didn't we? Survived that and school playgrounds and bicycling without helmets and skating without kneepads and all kinds of other stuff. Nowadays to do any of those things, parents would dress their children in clothing the equivalent of a football uniform with full pads. Ridiculous.

I could go on and on and on and further back in my lifetime but the reality is that the fear has been here for quite awhile and I am just another person born, bred, and fed on fear and all that it entails.

Now I'm headed outside for a few minutes. I sure hope the elevator doesn't fail. Maybe I'll take the stairs. Sure hope I don't trip and fall. Better grab my gloves for all those sticky doors.

The Great Ones

Today is the first day of one of those weekends that just requires one to do nothing but stay in, crank on some tunes, eat endlessly and sit with a blank stare. I love it. I need it. I’m doing it.

This weekend is all about the masters of modern music...those great voices that so clearly have defined all music since the 1950s...the voices that you just know the second you hear. Seems we don’t get too many of those anymore...not in the last 15 years or so. Oh yeah yeah yeah...I know...that is old fogie talk. Eh. Maybe...but I’m right. Check out my 2 new jukeboxes and tell me if there is one singer on either that doesn’t have that "forever" quality. I dare you.

Oh yeah...some of these greats are still singing but most of the songs I chose (with the exception of a few singers who can just knock em out no matter the decade), I stuck to songs pretty much pre-1980s. Huh. I have major issues with 80s music and a lot of 90s music...but especially 80s music. I went to high school in the early 80s (hush). I love the very early 80s classic rock songs (Journey, Billy Squire, Rossington Collins, Zeppelin, even Billy Idol etc...). I don’t do the other stuff very well. When we started having to listen to The Bangles and Flock of Seagulls and crap like that...I tuned out and went back to the good stuff from the late 60s and 70s. I am a huge Kenny Loggins fan. The man is a musical genius...one of maybe 10 ever in my opinion...but jaysus already with his 80s stuff. When I hear his 80s music, I automatically think of movies like "The Breakfast Club" and my body starts to recreate that white suburb girl dance that Molly Ringwald did in the movie. You know the one...where it looks like she’s running in place kinda. Anyway...it’s just not regular for that to happen to me and it just happened a bit ago and now my co-workers have ammo with which to blackmail me in the future.

Moving on. Yeah. I love Kenny Loggins but do NOT play "Danger Zone" around me or I’ll pummel you. Michael McDonald might be the only master voice that has credible 80s songs. Let me think. Yep. Wait. Boz Scaggs had one or two. Rod Stewart bombed BIG TIME, as did Elton John, as did Billy Joel. Billy Joel really was in his prime in ’77 (The Stranger) and ’78 (52nd Street)...working too hard can give you a heart attack, ack, ack, ack...you ought to know by now...who needs a house out in Hackensack...is that all you get for your money...oh it seems such a waste of time...if that’s what it’s all about...Momma, if that’s moving up then I’mmmmmmmmmmmm...moving out.

See? Was I right or what? Yeah baby.

So anyway...great weekend filled with great music and great food and no cares in the world. It doesn’t get any better than that.

P.S. Awww drats...I forgot to add DeBarge!